Who Is in Your Audience?

Why the Answer Could Make or Break Your Life

Every day you are being judged.

Not by the world at large, but by the person in your mind. The one sitting in the front row of your life. The one whose nod you crave, whose frown can still cut you down.

If you never stop to ask who that person is, you will live your life performing for them, even if they are unworthy of the role.

This is not a small thing. The wrong audience can steal decades from you.

The Hidden Judge

We all have a mental audience. It might be a parent who withheld approval. It might be a coach, mentor, partner, or rival. It might even be someone long gone.

When I coach leaders or guide someone in hypnosis, I often ask them to imagine this:
You are on a beach. Someone is walking toward you. This is the person whose love you crave the most. They stop, look you in the eye, and speak a message into your life.

That mental image is not random. It is the face your subconscious has chosen as the judge of your worth.

The Two Inner Tables

Inside your mind and heart there are not just individual audience members. There are entire tables of them.

I teach my clients to think of this like King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. We all have two tables inside us. One is the Sage Table and the other is the Saboteur Table. These tables are like the old cartoon of an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Both are always speaking, both are always trying to get your attention, and both want to influence your choices.

The Saboteur Table is always against you, even when it pretends not to be. It uses judgment, shame, comparison, and accusation to control you. It will tell you there is no hope, that others are against you, and that you should live with suspicion and bitterness. It thrives on fear, resentment, and self-doubt.

The Sage Table, by contrast, uses honesty and directed action. Sages always speak truth, even if it hurts, but it never comes with shame. Their messages point toward action steps that are not only good for you but also good for others. They remind you of your responsibility, your capability, and your higher calling.

One of the clearest ways to tell if a Sage or a Saboteur is influencing you is to ask: Does this voice lead me toward positive, constructive action that benefits me and those around me, or does it leave me feeling hopeless, bitter, and accusatory toward myself or others?

Your internal audience members, and even the external ones you allow into your life, will always fall into one of these two categories. The goal is to feed the Sage Table and starve the Saboteur Table.

You feed a table with your habits, rituals, and the company you keep. If your daily routines are built on truth-telling, healthy discipline, quality relationships, training regimens that push you forward, and self-honesty, you are setting a feast for the Sage Table. If you live in avoidance, surround yourself with toxic influences, indulge in unchallenged negative self-talk, or accept lies because they are comfortable, you are feeding the Saboteur Table.

The audience in your life, both imagined and real, is made up of people from these two tables. Your task is to choose which table will have the front-row seats.

Why This Matters More Than You Think

Psychologists call it the audience effect. It is the change in your performance when you believe you are being watched. Neuroscience shows that your brain’s emotional memory circuits do not care whether the audience is real or imagined. If you rehearse your life before a critic, your nervous system will live in tension. If you rehearse before a champion, your nervous system will perform with power and clarity.

In attachment theory, this audience is often tied to the person who shaped your earliest sense of connection. In self-determination theory, it is linked to your deep need for relatedness and recognition.

When the wrong person, or worse, the wrong table, is in your audience, you are building your life to impress a judge who may never bless you.

A Story You Need to Hear

I once worked with a man named Daniel. On the surface, he was successful. Executive title. Seven-figure business. Beautiful family. But he was restless, angry, and exhausted.

When I asked him to imagine his audience, he saw his father. His father had been gone for years, but in Daniel’s mind, every achievement was another failed attempt to hear the words “I’m proud of you.”

Once Daniel saw this clearly, the truth hit him hard. He had been working for an audience member who could no longer speak. Every late night at the office, every anxious decision, was for someone who was not even in the room.

We replaced that mental image with two people: his wife, and the man he wanted to become. Every day he rehearsed seeing their faces instead. Within months, he made changes that gave him back his health, joy, and connection.

How to Find Your Audience

Pause and visualize one of these scenarios:

You are delivering the most important speech of your life. Whose eyes do you look for?
You are playing your heart out on stage. Who are you hoping will clap first?
You are celebrating a major win. Who do you want to tell before anyone else?

Now ask yourself: Is this the person I want defining my worth? And even more importantly, which table do they belong to, the Sages or the Saboteurs?

How to Replace a Toxic Audience

If your audience makes you feel small, tense, or never enough, it is time to change them. Here is how:

Name the Current Judge. Speak their name out loud. This disarms their unseen power.
Identify Their Table. Decide whether they belong at the Sage Table or the Saboteur Table. Be honest.
Select the Right Witnesses. Choose people whose belief in you is real and whose values align with your best self.
Anchor the Image. In quiet moments, picture them watching you succeed and speaking life into you.
Practice Daily. Run the mental movie of your life with this new audience every day. Neuroplasticity will make it your default.
Include Your Future Self. Imagine the man or woman you are becoming. Picture them watching with pride and sitting firmly at the Sage Table.

Sage vs. Saboteur Audience Diagnostic Worksheet

A tool to identify, evaluate, and intentionally choose the audience in your mind and life

Step 1: Identify Your Current Audience

Close your eyes and picture yourself performing at your very best. This could be:

Giving the most important speech of your life
Playing your heart out on stage
Leading a critical meeting or mission
Celebrating a huge personal victory

Write down the top three people you see in your mental front row:

Step 2: Which Table Are They At?

For each person above, decide whether they belong to the Sage Table or the Saboteur Table based on the criteria below.

Sage Table

Speaks truth, even when it is uncomfortable, but never uses shame
Encourages action that is good for you and good for others
Inspires personal responsibility and growth
Believes in your capacity to overcome challenges
Brings peace, clarity, and focus

Saboteur Table

Uses judgment, shame, and accusation
Pushes you toward fear, bitterness, or hopelessness
Encourages you to avoid responsibility or blame others
Ignores your potential and focuses on your failures
Leaves you feeling smaller, weaker, or stuck

Write “S” for Sage or “SB” for Saboteur next to each audience member:

__________________________________________ (______)
__________________________________________ (______)
__________________________________________ (______)

Step 3: Evaluate Their Influence

Answer honestly for each person in your current audience:

Does their imagined presence make you feel tense or free?
Do you feel inspired or shamed?
Do they encourage a pathway forward or leave you feeling hopeless?

Write your answers briefly:

Step 4: Choose Who Stays and Who Goes

Decide which audience members you will keep in your mental front row and which you will remove. Be ruthless in protecting your mind’s stage.

Keep: ________________________________________
Remove: ______________________________________

Step 5: Invite the Right People to Your Sage Table

Replace those you removed with audience members who:

Tell you the truth without tearing you down
Inspire actions that benefit both you and others
Believe in your potential
Align with your highest values

Write down the new members of your audience:

Step 6: Feed the Sage Table and Starve the Saboteur Table

You feed a table with your habits, rituals, and relationships.

Ways to Feed the Sage Table:

Daily truth-telling and self-honesty
Healthy training regimens and disciplines
Surrounding yourself with uplifting, accountable people
Practicing gratitude and clear goal-setting
Seeking feedback from trusted mentors

Ways to Starve the Saboteur Table:

Cutting off toxic influences
Rejecting self-pity and blame
Eliminating habits that erode your confidence and health
Avoiding gossip, comparison, and criticism of others

Write your action plan below:

Step 7: Rehearse Daily

Spend at least 2 minutes each day visualizing yourself succeeding with your chosen Sage Table audience watching. Hear their encouragement. See their approval. Let that image become the default stage in your mind.

The Moral Weight of the Decision

If you keep performing for the wrong audience after reading this, it is no longer ignorance. It is consent.

Choosing the right audience is not just a mental trick. It is an act of courage. It is a moral decision to align your life with truth instead of approval. It is also a choice to feed the Sage Table and starve the Saboteur Table.

Your Audience Shapes Your Destiny

The people in your mental front row will influence every decision, every risk you take, and every way you measure yourself. Choose well, and you will live with power, clarity, and peace. Choose poorly, and you will waste your strength on a verdict that was never worth earning.

So ask yourself right now: Who is sitting in my audience? Which table are they from? And if they are the wrong person or from the wrong table, when will I remove them?

Your Next Step

If you are ready to discover, confront, and replace the audience that has been running your life, I can help. At Strategic Edge Coaching, Inc., I lead men and women through deep, transformative processes to identify the hidden influences in their lives and replace them with voices that call out the best in them.

Visit keithmwaggoner.com to start the process of choosing the right audience for the rest of your life.

[email protected]

Who Is in Your Audience?