our 3 Deaths & 3 Lives
Your Chance to Be Redeemed and Live Life ALIVE
“I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10
For most of my life I misunderstood this sentence.
I understood responsibility. I understood ambition. I understood building things and carrying weight. I understood how to survive and how to perform. What I did not yet understand was fullness. I had not learned what it meant to be alive in the deepest sense of the word. I had learned how to move fast, how to produce, how to stay busy, how to stay respected. I had not yet learned how to live awake.
That understanding did not arrive through comfort. It arrived through collapse. It came through a season when nearly everything I trusted was stripped away and I was forced to confront what actually holds a man upright when the ground beneath him gives way.
As I grow older, I find myself increasingly willing to think about the end of my life. Not from morbid fascination, but from clarity. David prayed for this clarity when he asked God to teach him to number his days. He understood that awareness of mortality sharpens life. It removes illusion. It exposes distraction. It forces a man to live deliberately instead of drifting on habit.
James described life as a mist that appears briefly and then vanishes. When you are young, that sounds abstract. When you grow older, it becomes personal. Years compress. Seasons blur. What once felt endless begins to feel fragile. That realization carries weight. It also carries wisdom that cannot be learned in any other classroom.
There was a season in my life when these truths stopped being theoretical.
The Season That Changed Everything
In 2007 my life collapsed in ways I could not have imagined.
While doing contract work as a subject matter expert alongside military special forces units, much of it connected to environments involving human trafficking rescue operations, I contracted viral pneumonia. The virus did not stop in my lungs. It attacked my heart. Doctors later told me my ejection fraction had dropped by twenty seven percent.
Ejection fraction measures how much blood your heart pushes forward with every beat. A healthy heart pumps more than fifty five percent. When that number drops significantly, oxygen delivery declines, organs strain, muscles weaken, and the entire system begins to struggle. Fatigue becomes constant. Breathing becomes labor. Simple movement requires effort. Standing too quickly can make the room spin.
It stopped me in my tracks.
One season I was active, productive, leading, building, providing, carrying responsibility at a high level. The next season it felt like I had fallen out of the sky. I was plummeting with no control over the descent and no clear landing in sight.
I remember lying in hospital rooms staring at ceilings late at night while machines hummed quietly in the background. I remember watching heart monitors trace fragile rhythms. I remember the strange stillness that comes when your schedule disappears and you are left alone with your thoughts. Recovery was slow and uncertain. Meanwhile, life outside the hospital did not pause.
My private psychology practice collapsed because I could not see patients. Income disappeared. At the same time the real estate market crashed. Over one hundred rental properties fell into chaos. A trusted manager stole months of rent. Financial pressure mounted rapidly.
My marriage fractured. My wife and two young children became estranged from me. In her pain and isolation, she reached toward another man for comfort. My ministry role at church unraveled as well. The identity I carried as counselor, helper, and leader collapsed under the weight of public confusion and private grief.
Then my father became ill with brain cancer. I watched treatment weaken him. I watched complications steal his strength. I buried him.
Externally and internally I went bankrupt.
Not only financially. Emotionally. Relationally. Spiritually. My sense of self, my plans, my confidence, and my imagined future fell into what felt like a bottomless pit.
It was the most tragic season of my life.
It was also the most formative.
Because in that season I experienced what I now call the three deaths.
3 Deaths at 36
When Everything Collapsed at Once
At thirty six years old I did not encounter loss gradually. It arrived as collision.
My body was failing. Physical mortality stood directly in front of me.
My legacy was burning. Everything I had built was unraveling.
My spiritual life was under siege. Bitterness surfaced. I blamed God. I questioned everything I thought I believed.
Physical death.
Legacy death.
Spiritual death.
All at once.
It felt as though every false foundation was being stripped away simultaneously. Every identity I had wrapped myself in was being dismantled. Every illusion of control was being removed.
There were moments when anger rose in me. Moments when despair whispered quietly. Moments when resentment toward God crept into my prayers. Moments when I felt humiliated by weakness and exposed by failure. Moments when I wondered whether I had wasted the best years of my life building things that could not survive pressure.
Yet beneath the visible collapse, something deeper was unfolding.
God was not abandoning me.
He was exposing what could not carry the weight of real life.
He was clearing ground so something stronger could be built.
That season taught me a truth I now carry into every coaching room and every conversation with men who are walking through crisis.
God does not leave His sons shipwrecked without hope.
Because alongside the three deaths exist three far greater gifts.
Understanding the Three Deaths and the Three Lives
Every human being eventually faces three kinds of loss.
The first is physical. The body weakens. Breath becomes fragile. Strength fades.
The second is legacy. Influence diminishes. What we build eventually changes hands. Titles and accomplishments loosen their grip.
The third is spiritual. The soul stands before eternity and must reckon with God.
Scripture does not end the story with loss.
Alongside these three deaths exist three entrusted lives.
Physical life meant to be stewarded.
Relational and legacy life meant to be multiplied.
Spiritual and eternal life meant to be redeemed and secured.
Jesus called this abundant life. He used the Greek word zoe, meaning God infused life, integrated life, life animated by divine presence rather than mere biological existence.
I did not understand this framework until everything collapsed.
The First Death
Physical Mortality
When your heart weakens and machines monitor your breathing, mortality becomes personal. David’s prayer to number your days stops being poetry and becomes reality. Breath becomes precious. Sleep feels uncertain. Control evaporates.
James called life a mist. When strength drains and energy disappears, that metaphor stops being symbolic. You feel how thin the line is between strong and weak, between independence and dependence, between planning and surrender.
Psychologically, physical crisis shatters the illusion of invulnerability. Most men live as if tomorrow is guaranteed. Illness forces truth back into the room. The body is a gift. It is also finite.
Physical mortality sobers a man. It removes fantasy and forces clarity about what actually matters.
The First Life
Physical Stewardship and Strength
When God began rebuilding me, He started with stewardship of the body.
Scripture says your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. God chose living hearts as His dwelling place. Flesh and blood became sacred ground.
That truth changed how I approached recovery. Movement became stewardship. Discipline became worship. Strength became assignment.
Modern neuroscience confirms what Scripture implies. Exercise improves emotional regulation and cognitive clarity. Sleep stabilizes hormonal systems that govern stress and mood. Nutrition fuels cellular energy production. The human body was designed to support purpose.
This is where one of my core principles was forged.
“Be Hard to Kill.”
Being hard to kill means building a body capable of carrying responsibility. Training strength so leadership does not collapse under fatigue. Developing endurance so pressure does not erode character. Honoring recovery so burnout does not destroy mission.
Living physically alive means treating your body like sacred equipment entrusted for calling.
The Second Death
Legacy Collapse
While my body weakened, my influence collapsed.
Businesses failed. Finances unraveled. Reputation fractured. Years of work evaporated.
Legacy death cuts deeply because identity often attaches to productivity. When achievement disappears, shame and confusion surface. A man begins asking difficult questions about who he really is when the applause fades.
Jesus warned about building on unstable foundations. He spoke about houses built on sand and houses built on rock. Storms reveal foundations.
Legacy collapse exposes false definitions of success and forces confrontation with ego driven ambition.
The Second Life
Multiplying Impact
God rebuilt my understanding of influence.
Jesus said the Father is glorified when we bear much fruit. Fruit multiplies. Fruit feeds others. Fruit continues after the original plant is gone.
Legacy stopped being about image and became about people.
Strengthening marriages through presence. Raising children with courage. Mentoring younger men with patience. Building businesses with integrity. Serving communities with consistency.
Psychology confirms what Scripture teaches. Purpose driven contribution stabilizes identity, strengthens resilience, and improves long term well being. Humans were designed to contribute rather than merely consume.
Being hard to kill in legacy means refusing to let bitterness, isolation, pride, or distraction erode relational responsibility. It means repairing what was broken and investing where presence once faded.
Legacy grows quietly through faithfulness. It outlives the heartbeat.
The Third Death
Spiritual Separation
The deepest collapse was internal.
When everything else fell apart, bitterness surfaced. I blamed God. I questioned faith. I stood close to walking away entirely.
Scripture speaks plainly about eternity. Revelation speaks of the Lamb’s Book of Life. This is eternal accounting.
Spiritual death is separation from God. Disconnection from the source of life itself.
Psychologically this appears as emptiness, anxiety, and loss of meaning. When spiritual foundation collapses, the soul searches desperately for substitutes.
I reached a point where I could no longer perform faith. I had to either surrender or leave.
The Third Life
Eternal Redemption
At thirty six years old I encountered God through surrender.
Not through image. Not through platform. Through desperation.
Jesus defined eternal life simply. Knowing God. Relationship replacing religion. Grace replacing performance. Adoption replacing orphanhood.
Paul described this as new creation and newness of life. Identity transformation rather than surface level behavior change.
This is the deepest form of being hard to kill.
Hard to kill spiritually means living rooted. Practicing repentance. Renewing the mind. Refusing secret sin. Walking with brothers. Choosing obedience when nobody is watching.
It means anchoring identity in Christ so no storm can steal it.
Living Life ALIVE
Live Life ALIVE grew out of collapse, loss, and resurrection.
It means stewarding physical strength so your body supports your calling.
It means multiplying relational impact so your influence outlives you.
It means anchoring eternity in Christ so your name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
The older I get, the clearer this becomes.
Time is short.
Legacy matters.
Eternity lasts forever.
When the mist fades, only one identity remains.
Who you belonged to.
Live Life ALIVE.
Walking This Out Daily
Newness of Life in Practice
Everything above becomes empty theory unless it is embodied daily.
Paul wrote that we are called to walk in newness of life. That requires daily alignment between belief and behavior. Redemption opens the door. Discipline keeps you walking through it.
Here is how I live this and how I coach others to live it.
Daily Newness of Life for the Body
Be Hard to Kill Physically
Each morning I ask:
How will I honor this temple today
What discipline will I practice regardless of mood
What does strength look like in this season
Daily standards include movement, hydration, posture, and intentional breathing.
Each evening I reflect:
Did I steward my energy well
What drained me unnecessarily
What strengthened me
This rhythm builds physical resilience that supports calling.
Daily Newness of Life for Legacy
Be Hard to Kill Relationally
Each morning I ask:
Who needs my leadership today
Where can I create value
What relationship needs attention
Daily standards include intentional communication, presence with family, and investment in others.
Each evening I reflect:
Who did I strengthen
What conversation did I avoid
What repair is needed tomorrow
This rhythm multiplies influence.
Daily Newness of Life for the Spirit
Be Hard to Kill Eternally
Each morning I ask:
What does surrender look like today
Where do I need God’s strength
What truth must govern my decisions
Daily standards include prayer, Scripture reading, confession, and gratitude.
Each evening I reflect:
Where did I obey
Where did I compromise
What grace do I need to receive
This rhythm roots identity.
Live Life ALIVE.
Be Hard to Kill.
References
Holy Bible, English Standard Version
Psalm 90:12
James 4:14
John 10:10
Romans 6:4
1 Corinthians 6:19
Matthew 7:24–27
Revelation 20:12–15
2 Corinthians 5:17
Hebrews 9:27
Ratey, J. Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain
Frankl, V. Man’s Search for Meaning
Huberman, A. Neural mechanisms of stress and recovery, Stanford University Lectures
Daily Practice for the First Life
Physical Life
Be Hard to Kill in the Body
Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. That means stewardship is spiritual work.
Morning Standard
Ask yourself:
How will I honor the temple today
What physical discipline will I practice no matter what
What does strength look like today, not perfection
Daily actions:
Move your body early. Walk, train, stretch, or breathe deeply. Activate blood flow and nervous system regulation.
Drink water before caffeine. Signal your system to wake clean.
Stand tall. Breathe slow. Carry yourself with intention.
Scripture anchor:
“I discipline my body and keep it under control.” 1 Corinthians 9:27.
Evening Standard
Ask yourself:
Did I treat my body like mission equipment or entertainment property
What choice drained me unnecessarily
What choice strengthened me
Daily actions:
Lower stimulation before sleep. Screens down. Lights low.
Stretch or breathe slowly for five minutes. Signal recovery.
Sleep with purpose. Recovery is part of obedience.
Coaching truth:
Men who neglect physical stewardship usually struggle emotionally and spiritually. Strength builds margin. Margin builds leadership capacity.
Daily Practice for the Second Life
Legacy and Relational Life
Be Hard to Kill in Influence
Legacy is built through small faithful actions repeated consistently.
Morning Standard
Ask yourself:
Who needs my presence today
Who am I responsible for
Where can I create value instead of consume
Daily actions:
Send one intentional message of encouragement or leadership.
Speak one hard truth with love instead of avoiding discomfort.
Schedule one action that invests in long term impact.
Scripture anchor:
“Let us not grow weary in doing good.” Galatians 6:9.
Evening Standard
Ask yourself:
Who did I strengthen today
Where did I avoid responsibility
What conversation did I delay that I should have had
Daily actions:
Reflect on one person you served well.
Identify one relational repair needed tomorrow.
Pray for those under your leadership.
Coaching truth:
Men drift into isolation when pressure rises. Legacy men lean into connection. Isolation kills influence. Brotherhood multiplies it.
Daily Practice for the Third Life
Spiritual Life
Be Hard to Kill in the Spirit
Spiritual life is not maintained accidentally. It is guarded intentionally.
Morning Standard
Ask yourself:
What does surrender look like today
Where do I need God’s strength instead of my own
What truth must govern my decisions
Daily actions:
Pray honestly. Not impressively.
Read scripture slowly. Let it shape identity.
Declare alignment with truth out loud.
Scripture anchor:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God.” Psalm 51:10.
Evening Standard
Ask yourself:
Where did I compromise
Where did I obey
What do I need to confess
Daily actions:
Practice repentance quickly.
Release shame. Receive grace.
Thank God for presence, protection, and provision.
Coaching truth:
Secret sin weakens men quietly. Confession restores strength publicly. Darkness feeds decay. Light produces healing.
Integrating the Three Lives Daily
Living Life ALIVE means you stop compartmentalizing.
Your body supports your calling.
Your relationships extend your impact.
Your spirit anchors your identity.
When one area weakens, the others eventually follow.
Strong men build daily alignment across all three.
Final Daily Question
Ask this every night:
Did I live today like my days are numbered
Did I steward what God entrusted to me
Did I walk in newness of life
Because the goal is not survival.
The goal is faithfulness.
Live Life ALIVE.
Be Hard to Kill.