Fathers, What Are You Imparting to Your Sons?
By Dr. Keith Waggoner
Modern masculinity is in crisis—and our sons are paying the price.
We’re raising boys in a cultural moment that’s more confused about manhood than ever before. The world mocks masculinity one moment, fears it the next, and offers little clarity about what it actually means to be a man. And yet, beneath the noise and pressure, every boy still longs for the same things: identity, strength, adventure, purpose, and a path to becoming someone worthy of honor.
As Jordan Peterson points out in 12 Rules for Life, “You have to be a monster—and then learn how to control it.” Boys aren’t meant to be tamed into passivity. They are meant to be trained—initiated—into noble manhood. Jocko Willink echoes this truth with his own brutal simplicity: “Discipline equals freedom.” Without discipline, strength becomes chaos. Without direction, energy becomes destruction.
But perhaps no books have given fathers a clearer path than Robert Lewis’s Raising a Modern-Day Knight and John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart.
Lewis argues that the greatest crisis in modern families is the absence of masculine vision and intentional rites of passage. In most homes today, a boy’s transition to manhood is vague, passive, or left up to culture. Without a ceremony, a code, and a community to affirm his journey, the boy flounders—unsure of who he is or who he’s supposed to be.
Eldredge goes even deeper into the soul of the boy, stating that every man carries a wound—and most of those wounds were delivered by fathers who were either absent, passive, or abusive. In Wild at Heart, he outlines the masculine soul’s deep need for:
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A battle to fight
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An adventure to live
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A beauty to rescue
When those needs go unmet or untrained, men become addicts, abusers, or apathetic shadows of what they were meant to be.
But there is hope. And it starts with fathers.
What Legacy Are You Leaving?
Yes, many dads today are involved. They take their sons fishing. They throw the football. They help with homework. That’s good. But involvement is not the same as initiation.
So I ask you, as a father:
What are you truly imparting to your son?
Not just in what you say—but in what you model. In the questions you help him answer. In the vision you lay out for who he’s becoming.
If you aren’t defining manhood for your son, culture will. If you aren’t training him to pursue godly strength, the world will entice him with counterfeit power.
Here are 3 Crucial Areas Every Father Must Intentionally Train His Son In:
1. Give Him a Clear Definition of Manhood
According to Robert Lewis, one of the greatest gifts you can give your son is clarity. He writes:
“The modern world gives boys a hazy, contradictory vision of manhood. We must give them a compelling, biblical alternative—a vision rooted in honor, courage, and responsibility.”
In Raising a Modern-Day Knight, Lewis lays out a four-part definition every boy needs:
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A real man rejects passivity
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A real man accepts responsibility
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A real man leads courageously
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A real man expects the greater reward—God’s reward
But that kind of man doesn’t emerge on accident.
He must be called out, trained, and blessed. Just as medieval knights were given their sword, their code, and their mission, so too must modern boys be given a rite of passage that clearly says: “Today, you begin your journey to manhood.”
Too many boys are waiting to hear those words. And too many fathers are silent.
Be the father who speaks. Be the father who marks the moment.
2. Teach Him How to Relate to Women with Honor
John Eldredge writes, “Every man longs for a beauty to rescue, but he must first become someone worthy of her love.”
Our sons are surrounded by a culture that distorts women—either idolizing them for their beauty or reducing them to conquests. Pornography, music, and media sell boys a lie that sex is about domination and that manhood is about conquest.
That’s not masculinity. That’s immaturity in disguise.
Fathers must train their sons how to relate to women not just physically, but spiritually, emotionally, and socially. That includes how to:
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Honor a woman’s boundaries and personhood
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Pursue purity instead of porn
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Protect rather than manipulate
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Lead without controlling
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Walk in strength without becoming a tyrant
The greatest test of a young man’s strength isn’t in how many women he can attract—but in how well he can steward his desires, control his impulses, and offer himself as a servant-leader in every relationship.
Your son is watching how you treat his mother. He’s listening to your jokes. He’s absorbing your views on marriage, sex, love, and leadership—whether you know it or not.
Show him what it means to cherish. Teach him what it means to guard. And call him to be the kind of man a woman would trust her life to.
3. Impart a Code of Godly Virtue and Purpose
In both Wild at Heart and Raising a Modern-Day Knight, we are reminded that boys don’t just need rules—they need a code. A set of values to live by. A compass for their soul.
And that code must be rooted in something greater than comfort, success, or self-expression.
Your son needs to know:
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Who he is
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Whose he is
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What he stands for
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Where he is going
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And what hill he’s willing to die on
That kind of manhood is grounded in virtue—courage, humility, sacrifice, discipline, justice, integrity, and faith. But virtue is not taught in a lecture. It’s learned in pressure. It’s modeled under fire. And it’s confirmed through blessing.
“Boys become men through the active presence of a father who blesses, initiates, and guides them into trials with purpose.” – Robert Lewis
That means we must let our sons struggle. We must let them fall. But we also must walk with them into the fire—and call forth the man within.
Give your son a sword. Not to wound, but to protect. Not to dominate, but to serve. And show him how to use it—first against himself, to battle his own sin, his selfishness, and his fear.
Final Word to Fathers
The world doesn’t need more passive boys or aggressive men.
It needs fathers—real fathers—who take this high calling seriously. Fathers who speak identity over their sons. Who create sacred moments of initiation. Who walk with them through the fire, and don’t run when it gets hard.
You don’t have to be perfect. But you must be present.
You don’t have to know everything. But you must do something.
This isn’t just about shaving cream smiles and football games.
This is about raising up men who will one day carry your name, lead your grandchildren, and stand before God.
Train your son with vision. Fight for him with prayer. And bless him with your life.
Dr. Keith Waggoner is the founder of Undisputed Mastery and Strategic Edge Coaching. He has trained men and fathers for over 30 years in the art of identity, discipline, legacy, and leadership. His work combines the wisdom of biblical manhood, modern psychology, and transformational rites of passage.
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